Boston

I forgot when during the day or where I was when I first heard of the Boston marathon tragedy today. I had no idea of the magnitude of the event and how so many were killed or severely injured. Then l I got home and saw a photo on FB showing a runner with his legs blown off... and read a BBC article and video of the explosions. It was hard to see. Sickening, whoever could've done this.

I know it's nothing like or close to 9-11, but it certainly gave me a similar feeling. Although this time it hit me a bit harder, maybe because I'm now a bit older and more mature. I'm learning to feel for others, too.

Perspective.

I wish nothing but the best recovery for all of those injured. Family and friends... everybody affected. To breathe.


.......................

Last night I started reading this entire blog from the beginning. It was interesting. The change in thought pattern throughout the years. Re-living the moments that have faded in memory or been forgotten. And of course, all about her.

I noticed that I started losing my words... because I simply ran out of different ways to express the same feelings. I never moved on. The world kept going, and it passed me by.

..........

Due to my frustrations with her, a couple of years ago (2011) I decided to completely focus on my career. It was a conscious decision that was out of character for me. I had always taken the attitude of, it's just a job. I didn't give a flying fuck, as long as bills were being paid. But then I realized that I like commercial real estate, and that it's something I actually enjoy doing. I decided to (try) make a career out of it. I felt like, hey, a career is something with more certainty - if I put in the hard work and play it right, I'll get to where I want to be.

It never worked out. I gambled, and I failed. Maybe it was simply the wrong position, maybe it wasn't the right fit. Or maybe it's because I simply don't know what I'm doing, and I was under-qualified. But whatever it may have been, it was eye-opening. I don't regret it.

Two and a half years later, I feel maybe it's time for a reversal. Instead of stressing over my continuing failure to land a suitable position in commercial real estate, just let it be. If it happens, sweet. If it doesn't, hey, it's just a job. De-stress. De-focus. De-centralize.


Spend my energy elsewhere. On things that really matter. A change in mindset.

I'm not sure what exactly I'm gonna do differently yet. But I feel like it's coming.

Maybe.




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