Let's make love, while we listen to Frank White

- P. Diddy, I Need a Girl Pt.II

Ay yo the sun don't shine forever
But as long as were here then we might as well shine together
Never mind the weather, go somewhere and get our minds together
Build a love that a last forever
So let's stop the pain, stop the rain
Put, stress to rest girl stop the games

"On my own... here we go"

- Green Day, Brain Stew

It was another day. But just a bit different.
I stopped stressing. Different from not caring and not giving a fuck, but I just started to let things play out.

Decisions out of my hands, beyond my control.
Not gonna worry about nothing!

It's nice to simply let things be sometimes.

Boston

I forgot when during the day or where I was when I first heard of the Boston marathon tragedy today. I had no idea of the magnitude of the event and how so many were killed or severely injured. Then l I got home and saw a photo on FB showing a runner with his legs blown off... and read a BBC article and video of the explosions. It was hard to see. Sickening, whoever could've done this.

I know it's nothing like or close to 9-11, but it certainly gave me a similar feeling. Although this time it hit me a bit harder, maybe because I'm now a bit older and more mature. I'm learning to feel for others, too.

Perspective.

I wish nothing but the best recovery for all of those injured. Family and friends... everybody affected. To breathe.


.......................

Last night I started reading this entire blog from the beginning. It was interesting. The change in thought pattern throughout the years. Re-living the moments that have faded in memory or been forgotten. And of course, all about her.

I noticed that I started losing my words... because I simply ran out of different ways to express the same feelings. I never moved on. The world kept going, and it passed me by.

..........

Due to my frustrations with her, a couple of years ago (2011) I decided to completely focus on my career. It was a conscious decision that was out of character for me. I had always taken the attitude of, it's just a job. I didn't give a flying fuck, as long as bills were being paid. But then I realized that I like commercial real estate, and that it's something I actually enjoy doing. I decided to (try) make a career out of it. I felt like, hey, a career is something with more certainty - if I put in the hard work and play it right, I'll get to where I want to be.

It never worked out. I gambled, and I failed. Maybe it was simply the wrong position, maybe it wasn't the right fit. Or maybe it's because I simply don't know what I'm doing, and I was under-qualified. But whatever it may have been, it was eye-opening. I don't regret it.

Two and a half years later, I feel maybe it's time for a reversal. Instead of stressing over my continuing failure to land a suitable position in commercial real estate, just let it be. If it happens, sweet. If it doesn't, hey, it's just a job. De-stress. De-focus. De-centralize.


Spend my energy elsewhere. On things that really matter. A change in mindset.

I'm not sure what exactly I'm gonna do differently yet. But I feel like it's coming.

Maybe.