Locked in.

Sometimes I lock myself in. Figuratively, and literally. I turn off my phone. Pass on all social invites. Lay on the couch, watch TV, play video games, and not do a thing. I eat almost until the food at home is exhausted. I do this for multiple days, the entire weekend.

It's my zombification process.

It numbs the pain. It lets me recoup. And usually by the end of it, I regain some sense of motivation to live again. Try to to pick myself up from the floor, and be something. For something. Anything.

I know it sounds pretty messed up, and it probably is. But I don't know what else to do. I'm too messed up, and with no way out.

If only real life was like this.
Robin: I'm such a mess. Why do you even like me?
Barney: I guess... 'cause you're almost as messed up as I am.

LOST

Without a way, without any way.

Yo, opportunities lost because I blew them
On the sunniest days of my life I cry through them