Nostalgia

Remembering icq ... I am way too nostalgic.

Long time no see

Long time no see 時間過得很快
今日明日成日轉得快
Long time no see 頭髮脫得很快
一樣唔係其實有點怪
Long time no see 城市變得很快
花樹林木全部滿死哂
Long time no see 朋友變得很快
因為其實其實冇得解

老友為乜碰面 碰見拎歪塊面
咪去扮好掛念 無謂去演
你繼續玩冷面 你繼續好友善
各有路走兩面 然後去
你繼續走正面 我繼續走背面
有眼淚係裡面 懷念變悼念

拜拜........

28

Another year. Another drunken night. Older but no wiser. Another phone number, another dinner. More drinks but no closer. One more cancellation, another lonely night. Laying on her lap, but nothing more.

Square One

Why does it always feel like I'm back to square one?...

I never knew another like her in my lifetime.
So now I travel through a tunnel of space, without a place,
On the face of this earth,
With this pain gettin' worse,
Driving me insane or at least I'm touching the brink,
Of sanity to think of how I can link or contact her.
I was a fool before but more wise after the fact.
I'm analyzin' how I'm wantin' her back,
And wonderin' exactly where she could be on the map.
I'm just sittin' here, spinnin' the world on one finger.
Reoccurring thoughts of this brown skin singer
"When my poodle went blind at eights years of age, she would panic if alone in strange surroundings. My cat, Blue, would stay close to her within touching distance and Tina would be alright. Blue was my hero."

It can be strange how the smallest thing makes my heart melt.

"I used to believe in destiny."

I stopped believing.
Everyday I believe a little less, and a little less... and it sucks.

~ How I Met Your Mother

Why does such an awesome funny show illustrate so perfectly how I feel?

Be Free

Why do we have such a hard time expressing our emotions, and how we really feel, to each other? We keep it on the inside. We say one thing, but we really mean what's said plus just that bit more, that you're supposed to know.

Men or women, lovers or friends, sometimes especially family... we all do it. Why is it that once we become adults, we also stop speaking freely?

And we call it being"grown up". Guilty as charged.

and here we go

I made week 2. Still bored as fuck, still don't really know anyone. Not sure where my confidence has fled to.

But it'll do.

I'll make it so.

Other than that, life's alright. Slowly getting out of debt and paying my bills after my first pay cheque in a month. On the road back to normacy.

Good or bad...?

Definitely gonna miss the sunny days with autumn peeking its way here in Calgary.

"It's never too late, Barney."

~ How I Met Your Mother

Maybe there's always, hope. Maybe all we oughta do, is to believe.

Maybe.

First week

A 4-day first work week, thanks to a long weekend. I survivied.

It was fuckin' boring.

But... I made it.

Feeling tons of pressure, from within myself, to proof myself. I used to never be stressed over work, but it's all changed. I question my abilities, my competence, my skills, my fit.

To better days......

Shining Star

The Roots ft. D'Angelo

Then eventually flow off to loss communication,
I call the lost store, information,
And with time forgot it.
It's not like I'm in tears about it,
But the fact of the matter remains that I missed her.

Shrek

It was 10 years ago. The year was 2001, once upon a time I had a date. My first real date.

A few months later, it all went to hell and she left me for her ex-bf, leaving me broken and torn. I never knew why, to this day.
The more things change, the more they stay the same.

The Roots - Now or Never

I feeling change is an absolute certainty
'Cause what's coming on is a state of emergency

I received an offer of employment, and 2 days later... I accepted it. I hesitated, because it was outside of my industry. In commercial real estate, once you're out, there's no getting back in. I had other offers in the industry, with much lower compensation. I struggled, until I realized there was no win-win for both my heart and bank balance. I grew up and accepted the truth that few ever accomplish what they truly want to.

I once chased the dream of building a major shopping centre, or office retail mixed use high rise.

The dream is dead.

Cash is king. C.R.E.A.M.

Bitch never done shit for me

Well now she's just another story
When we pass around that 40


- Ko, Capable

2:29 AM

The movie is done. Booze & poutine are finished, and friends are gone. A good night out.

What now.

The streets are empty and the night is beautiful. Nothing more, nothing less.

Just fading into darkness.

Days of Change

I had a dream about the mid 2000s. I was hanging with some old friends, at a new lounge. It was with familiar faces that I seldom see nowadays. And then I actually went to an internet cafe to play Starcraft.

And I thought to myself wtf... I have only even been to an internet cafe like twice in my life time!

It was familiar. Things were nice. Things were comfortable. Things felt right.

Can I go back?

Subtle Changes

I am listening to a local mainstream radio station right now, really listening. It's been a year or two since I have done that, always sticking to my own music collection or the university campus radio station.

Surprisingly, I like this.

I had an interview today. I think I came across well, and they liked me. I went in with 4 hours of sleep, only time will tell. It was for a business analyst position outside of commercial real estate. I've decided this time around that if I don't find something I'm satisfy with in the industry, it's time to move on.

It appears that I can't dream forever, not in this life.


I just heard on the radio, 'Men baffle me.' Women baffle me. Trying to understand a woman's heart and mind is to commit a suicide of the mind.
I'm up again, at the wee hour of the night. I

One Night

I got a question if a man can make his own heaven
Can he make his path to get to it too?
I think I know what she's thinking. She's obviously noticed, and she doesn't want to change a thing. She's comfortable with how we are, keeping our distance. She doesn't want to get close, because she's afraid to get hurt again. And probably mostly because she isn't attracted to me after all. I was foolish to think otherwise, based on one single drunken night. After what some people asked, pointed out, and egged me on, I thought we were more than.

But it was only the alcohol.

Just another episode in my 27 years of fucking around, not the literal kind. Soon to be 30 years old, and I have no fucking clue about life. No career, no girlfriend, only debt.

If there was a formula, I'd like to see it. I'd give the world for it.

Once upon a time, I thought it involved a single blue rose.
I eat, because I feel empty inside.
I've quit my job, for the fourth time. Wishing that things were more managable, laid out for me. I'm tired, emotionally, from everything. Sex, the opposite sex, career, family. I want things to be moving, but I want to be at rest. I feel useless, helpless, worthless.

Take me away. Fly me to the moon.

Where did I go wrong? I'd like to know the answer. I feel more and more foolish as each year goes by. The more I learn, the less I know. The more I know, the less I wish I knew.

Came in Brave

- Ladyhawk

Out getting high on the back porch
I sing to the empties and cigarette butts
And I know that the song is about you
And I'd sing to your face, but I've got no guts

And the mice are an angel choir tonight
They squeak right in on the hallelujah
I'll clear my head and close my eyes
And I'll get up late and I'll give up hope in the end.

4 years later

And I'm back at square one.

WTF.

What the fuck.

Somebody, show me the way. Anyway.
But we love each other.
I know. But are you happy?
No.
Then what are we doing?
You wanna know how I feel?
I feel hurt.

"He'll always be hopeful, so he'll always be happy."

"We are who we are. I hate the lottery." - Thirteen

Do it again

I go in with my head up, chocolate blazing... and come up once again empty handed for Valentines.

My car got stuck in the snow for 20 mins on my way to pick up the gourmet chocolates in -20 celcius yesterday.

Why?

And it's true I hurt too

I'm sick of opening up and getting torn apart. I wanna stop but I can't.

I wish I could I could have quit you, I wish I never missed you

Obsessed with the thought of you, the pain just grew and grew

I used to be love struck, now I'm just fucked up

I Wish



I wish I was little bit taller,
I wish I was a baller
I wish I had a girl who looked good I would call her
I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat and a '64 Impala

It was a beautiful day.

I had a date Friday night. Not a real date, but it felt kinda like one. She's a friend of a friend, and lives less than a block from my condo.

Maybe...

Somebody slap me across the side of the head before I get too hopeful, like always.

...............