Sick of everything.

This world ain't about how hard you work, how determined you are, or how genuine you are. It's all chance, and malice. That's all that there is. All.

Who has the answers? I wonder, I turn to my elders
They aged and experienced, but they can't even tell ya
or tell me, that there'll be light at the end of the road
Cause they don't even know
- 2pac/krazy

Chasin' Skirts

Ditched again.

Why did I think it would be different this time? Thinking back, I have no friggin clue. She's done it before, why wouldn't she do it again?

I'm tired of chasing skirts. No, I'm not turning gay.

Now what is there left to do?


I thought I knew. I thought I came to where I am without wavering. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, but I thought it was going to be okay.

Somewhere, somehow, I didn't just take a wrong step or a detour - I lost the destination. I lost the map... and the compass. It's a jungle, and it is everyone for themselves.

I built the fire, a temporary shelter. But it's destroyed night after night, without a thing I can do about it. What options do I have? Keep on like this with no end in sight. Wander out to feed the wolves. Fuck it all.

Months, years, and a decade pass by. It's as if time has stood still. Not a thing is different, except for my age and innocence. No longer naive or hopeful.

I scramble, for any way out.

A Short Story

I am witnessing unconditional love.

It didn't seem like much at first, and I didn't think much of it.
But it's become apparent.

JM is pregnant, and due in August. It was unexpected, it was a surprise. She and CJ had just starting dating a week before they found out the news. They decided to keep the baby. CJ was supposed to join the army this summer, finally having done all the tests and various security approvals, but he declined in the end. JM is working p/t still, since CJ no longer has a permanent job due to the army plans. They decided to get married, with the wedding taking place a few weeks ago. There was never plans for this, until news of the baby. Hell there was never plans for this to be a long term relationship. But it happened. CJ has had a brutal experience with his now divorced wife, losing just about everything he owned in the process. But here and now, he pressed on.

Everything sounds simply so ordinary, but really extraodinary.
How envious I am. How happy for them I am.