Happy '08

To all. No matter where or who, may all your wishes and dreams come true.

Who Cares?

"It's deep how you can be so shallow
And I'm afraid 'cause I have no fear
And I didn't believe in magic
Until I watched you disappear
I wish you were here
And I can go on and on and on... but who cares?"

- gnarls barkley

No longer here.
Away and away.
Forever, ever.
Precious time used and spent,
Not wasted, but always fruitless.
I let go, to move on and on.
Years pass, it turns out I have always waited.

No Christmas

There was no Christmas card from her this year.

No text message, nothing.
Nothing, like I am hugging and holding a lump of hurt.
Griping on to it so ever tightly, as if life wouldn't go on without it.
But it does. I comprehend it in my head.
But not willing, not able to execute.

Days, months, years.

It does not feel like time flew by.
Everyday was a world of hurt.
It feels timeless, it feels like being enveloped, suffocating.
And it still is.

Merry Christmas

"I'm missing little things
I miss everything, about you"

"Don't touch me please
I cannot stand the way you tease
I love you though you hurt me so
Now I'm going to pack my things and go"

Bloc Party - Sunday

Heavy night, it was a heavy night
Feels like we've come back from the dead
Heavy night, it was a heavy night
I cannot remember what I said - to anyone
If we get up now we can catch the afternoon
Watch the under 15's playing football in the park
Let's sleep in St. Leonard's on this alcoholic day
We're doing the best with what we've got

I'll love you in the morning, when you're still hungover
I'll love you in the morning, when you're still strung out
I'll love you in the morning...

I work hard all week and so do you
We deserve to let off some steam
Less orthodox creeping
We need to rage through this life
There might be ones who are smarter than you
That have the right answers, that wear better shoes
Forget about those melting ice caps
We're doing the best with what we've got

I'll love you in the morning, when you're still hungover
I'll love you in the morning, when you're still strung out
I'll love you in the morning...

When I'm with you, I am calm
A pearl in your oyster
Head on my chest, a silent smile
A private kind of happiness
You see giant proclamations are all very well
But our love is louder than words

When it pours..

Shit comes in heaps and tons.

Meter parking, in front of the eatery.
10 minutes, walked down the street to pick up a magazine.
No more Vice left, so I head back.
And my car had been towed.

"It doesn't rain, it pours."

Why

I have a million questions, and not a single answer.

There is only one thing I truly desire, and it just happens to be the one thing neither money could buy or hardwork would matter.

What do I do? I need a direction. I have been wandering in circles. Walked a far way, but back at the starting point. Time is passing by but it feels like I'm heading backwards.

Does this happen to everyone who don't believe in faith? I never really believed in God. I believed in myself. I have overcame things.. insignificant but which I am proud of. Separated from my parents at the age of 10, moving to a new Country with a language that I barely spoke. Being independent, taking care of myself, the house, my academic, my financial obligations, my everything.

But now it seems like all was in vain. I can't get past this glass ceiling now. It just won't shatter. She(s) got me by the throat, and won't let go.

Give

What should we all be doing to help the less fortunate?

Give a lot, when wealthy?
Give some, instead of spending on excess?
Give anyways, when you're tight on the ropes to meet ends?
Give, till we have the bare minimum? What "is" the minimum?

Questions we all ask and strive to answer. Some turn to God, others go by what their heart feels. Still some turn to philosophical reasoning. What would be right, and what would be wrong? I wonder if we'll ever know. But it really doesn't matter, does it? As long as we do as our heart says and go by how we feel.

I hope everyone out there has some sort of a heart.