5 39 AM

"Cause there's a lot of shit I keep bottled that hurts deep inside of my soul. And just know that I grow colder the older I grow."

Songs, different songs. Tears that dried started flowing again.

All that my life has got:

Flashes of brilliance.

Only flashes.

Goodbye

Thank you for everything Melissa.


For showing me some love.
For showing me what life could be like.
For showing me the world.

You will be dearly missed.

People say this all the time, but I really mean it... it's gonna be different when you're not around. It's not going to be the same.
You can never be replaced.

The Last Lunch

It didn't happen that time over 8 months ago. I was the one leaving.
It isn't happening today neither. She is the one leaving.

The irony lies in where I was going to that time, is where she is heading.
It is a different her. Not quite the same magnitude of hurt; I'm only beginning to like her.

Yet.

"I'm going home to eat."

Too much to ask. Maybe it is just too much to ask for a lowly person like myself.

After the fact

After the fact,
you realize you were merely the third-string quarterback
who wasn't good enough to be even the back-up.

"It should be painfully clear that your feelings arent reciprocated. You will never have what you want with her. I guarantee it."
- Veronica

What it's like.

Now I experience what it's like to have someone leave me.
Leaving to go home.
Leaving for work up north.
Leaving for a new life in another continent.

Leaving, me.

Not a single one goes down easy. Not a single one, goes down.

I reason and I plead. I can beg, I can cry,
I can scream in the middle of the night.
And it doesn't change a thing.

Unease

So...........
It's gonna be like the old times again. The old times, the static, never-changing life that I lived.
Imy's going back to Aus soon, just as we started hanging out.
Melissa's moving to Aus for a year, just as we're getting along so well.
Sadat's moving up to Fort Mac., there goes my best buddy away for 3 years.

Goodbyes are still so hard to say.
I'll miss all three of them. Sometimes I wish times would stay still, but that never seems to happen when things are good.

Losing

We've all lost something before.
Jackets, cell phones, cameras, wallets, purses. Cars and keys.

Innocence. Love. Loved ones. Moments. Time. Priceless.

It was all my fault
dignity and pride
More important than everything else money can buy.