Here I sit.

Two hours and thirteen minutes until time stands still again,
when my anticipation and unease dissipates..
when my adrenaline subsides.
When it'll all just be the same again,

Again.
No miracles to this day, no easy to this day.
Merely another year closer to the end.

More than three years
since I last tasted those mango cheesecakes.

Eight months since we have shared ourselves.

"Words cannot explain.."

I think
that is from her, to me.


Or am I just thinking too much, trying too hard to find evidence.
Evidence that she remembers.

Some things I'd like to put away,
away into that darkest corner.
That dusty closet which never opens.
I want to forget, but I'm afraid to lose. To lose.

What is there to lose?
Those memories
precisely those that I try, to forget.
Sadness, intertwined with her. Bittersweet.

More bitter than sweet.

I am tired.

Friends

I am glad she didn't take it to heart.

Asshole

"How was your thing?"

I said. How could I be such an asshole. So insensitive, so retarded, so stupid. Of all things, I asked her that. After a funeral. I cannot believe I did such a thing. No matter how much I apologize and regret, the harm is done. I didn't mean to hurt her, at all. I'd rather die than to know that I've hurt others so deeply in such delicate spots.

Why do I never think, why. Why am I so selfish, and weak?

Maybe I do deserve all this shit that I go through. All this suffering, because intentionally or not, I'm doing the same to other people.

Turn back time.

I never pray.
But if there was a God,
grant me the wisdom to never hurt another again.

Peanuts

"My gramma says that we live in a veil of tears."
".. sorrow, sadness and despair, grief, agony and woe."
"to be in love with two different snowflakes
at the same time?"

"He's bitter about the little red-haired girl
who didn't marry him."

"In Schultz's world,
all love was unrequited, or worse,
met with cold indifference."

MACLEANS, OCT 2007


"Sex, like recreational drugs, acts as a temporary flight from reality."

Lies, Places, Events

So it's all set. The coming 4 weeks.

Weds Oct 17: Ming - Sean's birthday
Fri Oct 15: Snatch - Jenn's birthday
Sat Oct 27: Halloween Pubcrawl
Sat Nov 3: Halloween Party - Sadat's house
Sat Nov 10: Sadat & Imy's farewell

Yet. Can't seem to get excited. Not that I'm not looking forward to them, but feeling as if it wouldn't matter if I will be there or not. The show will still go on; to everyone it wouldn't be any different.

halloween

Halloween. It's that time again.

Time flies!

Now at a different company. No longer selling grocery, but building a shopping centre.

Luckily I still speak to the same friends. Friends from long ago (for me 8 years is a long time). From junior high, high school, university, and even now.

How things have changed, and how things have stayed the same.

I'd like to think that I am one year wiser than last.