Still Away

It's been almost a month, my trip in Aus is almost over.

With brief stops in LA, Sydney, then actual stays at Melbourne, Perth, and now Melbourne again. It's better than back home. I am able to sleep without sleep aids. But something is still on my mind.

She called me, hours before I got on the plane in Calgary. She cried, and she said all these things.

She missed me.
She didn't want to believe that I was really leaving.
She didn't say bye to me on my last day; because she couldn't bring herself to.
Saturday morning, two days after I quit; she went to my seat and sat down, and thought about how my days were like.
She said she was sorry for hurting me.

I asked her, if she ever did think anything of "us"; and she answered "I don't want to answer because I don't want to make things difficult."

She tells me, to forget about her, to not think of her anymore.
She asked, isn't that the purpose of my trip?

It was. If she never would've called me that nite at 3 am, without knowing my flight was at 6:30 am. I was prepared to leave everything behind. I had the will then.

But now. Every stop I've made, every single place that I've been to, I thought of her, and I picked up something for her. For what reason, there really isn't any specific ones. I simply, naturally, thought of her, saw things that she would like.. and I would pick them up without caring the costs. I've ended up with so many things intended for her as souvenirs, that I'm not sure what to do anymore. Am I to give her all of them? A box full practically?

Home in about a week.
I will ask her to come out, give her the things. I will give her a CD with all my pictures from here, with the beautiful scenary.

That'll be the end.

I will look for a new job, I will not call her again. I will just wish her well on her birthday and holidays. I think that is best, for the both of us.

I can't take it anymore, and I really just want her to be happy. If she thinks that there's no future for "us", that I'm not good enough. I will bite my lips and walk away, for her.