All hope is lost, she couldn't have made it any clearer. My birthday is coming up, and it's a sad one. Never thought it'd end this way, at this time......... just like two years ago.

linkin park - in the end

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter


For her, I turned down a girl who likes me.


If only she'd know.


Just got to get through this.. in time, I'll be fine. But for now, let me drown in the world of substance abuse.

Can't believe I turned down a girl, for someone who I'm not even together with.

Love is a potent drug. Need other substances to counteract.................

k-os : call me

Never know, never know
Whats right until you walking death
Everyday is just a struggle
We take till there's nothing left

Nothing left.......

The show goes on..

And the show goes on. Still her, still me, still him. A triangle........... a no-win situation for me. She won't make the choice for me, but she won't let go. And I can't force myself to let go neither...............

Feels like I've aged ten years. Older than my time.


That emptiness, that tingling feeling of heaviness that lingers.. after a crushing defeat. After I realize how foolish I have been, for trying to win her heart, for thinking that I was coming close.

I had no idea, of the depth of their relationship. Her, and the him that was practically unknown to me.

I feel ashamed, for what I've done. Love, really does mess up the mind. It's like chronic, except you don't get to choose when to take it. It just shows up and grabs you by the throat, whether you like it or not.

And now that I've had a breath of fresh air, seen a bit of reality.. I can't help but still long for her.

What's left?

Everything, all that was between me and her.. have disappeared. She doesn't even talk to me anymore. What is there left to do? No meaning, no purpose. I don't know how to pass my days beside from drinking life away....


It was a commercial for some investment firm.

It starts off with something like, we've all got our dreams. And we can start saving for those dreams, even $10 at a time. Then I thought to myself, not all dreams have to do with money. If any dream could be realized with money, life'd be so much easier.

Money can't buy love.
She asks me: How much do you like me?

Then she says: But I don't want you to get hurt.

What is the point of asking me, then.. Why?