House, it's thanksgiving.

"So I decided I'd rather be happy, than smart."

Some Things

Some things, are just not meant to be?

Is that what we like to think when things aren't well, just to let ourselves feel a little better?

It didn't work out, maybe it just wasn't meant to be.

Or was it really, it didn't work out, because we could've done otherwise... yet, as one of us took a step forward, the other would take two steps back.

Some things. I just don't understand.

Some things, I wish I didn't have to understand.

"When the love is gone, move on."

And I texted her, and we went for lunch. I gave her the gift from Australia, that has been sitting in a dark corner of my closet. I didn't expect her to come out. I didn't expect her to accept the gift. I didn't know what to expect, and I don't really know what I am looking for. I don't know if she's seeing anyone, I am afraid to ask.

And here I go, again.

And it was.

It was the company Christmas party. Everything seemed like it was going to be great. I had a beautiful friend as my date for the night. She insisted on driving so that I could drink and have a good time. But it wasn't. Something was off. Everything was off. The more I socialized with company, the more food and drink I consumed, the more saddened I was.


It's as they say, to be feeling lonely within a crowd of friends.

Happy Merry Christmas, folks.

Happy Belated Birthday

to me.

Would you take care of me?...

I Reminisce

But there is nothing to reminisce about. I realize there has never been anything. What a fool.

The Roots. How I Got Over. ?

Before I go back to the heavenly father
Pray for me if it ain’t too much brother
Whatever don’t break me or make me stronger
I feel like I can’t take too much longer
It’s too much lyin’
And too much fryin’
I’m all cried out cause I grew up cryin’
They all got a sales pitch I ain’t buyin’
They tryin’ to convince me that I ain’t tryin’
We uninspired
We unadmired
And tired and sick of being sick and tired.

Silence

What happened. What happened to the me who questions why prostitution is illegal. The morality of aborptions, euthanaiza. The one who doesn't just say yes or no just because that's how the traditional view has always been or if it's the general mainstream opinion. The death penalty, why it's deserved, why it's ok? The one with a curious mind that listens to arguments. Does god exist? Could god be an alien? Could there be our god as well as aliens existing in the same universe?...

That me has died. In silence.

I don't know how it happened, and I don't know how to bring him back. Because once again just about everything has lost meaning to me. I stopped caring and I don't know how to get back. Because I just don't care. The first time, the person is usually just saying it. But after repeated realizations, some things actually start to sink in.

The only link left is my family, whom I love. The previous generation... but don't have my own "family".