Words

When we both truly love each other and treat each other as the single most important aspect of life, it shouldn't be this difficult.

Taking a moment to give each other a hug, to send/read a text, or to make or answer a call, should always be a joyous thing, never an annoyance - no matter what. Every single one of those things, in everyday of my life, are the moments I look forward to each and every day.

Why are there always thoughts of preserving separate identities? The thought, of a “need” to preserve an identity separate from you, has never crossed my mind. It doesn’t make sense to me. It makes me feel like there is a lack of trust. I don’t need, to have a separate identity. My identity is to be together with you, the love of my life. There will never be another identity, because I would love to spend the rest of my life with you. I am not going to keep a separate identity, as some sort of fallback. We’re together, in love, and a team. The same team, there is no me against you, or you against me. It should be natural. Everything should be natural. We’re in love; we naturally become each other’s identity, one in the same. That’s what naturally happens when we truly love each other. It’s not about me taking over your life, or you taking over my life. We are building our lives together. And if that’s not what is happening, then something is really wrong.

I never feel like spending time with you or doing things for you is a waste of time, or sacrifice. It’s always the first thing I rather do, over everything else. Because I love you, it’s simple as that. I don’t ever question that or have to think about it, because it’s straight from the heart.

I need somebody who will place me as number one in their life, no matter what. I feel that is the essential basis of a true and loving relationship. Nothing else, at all, should ever get in the way. Each other, and our family, should always be above all else. If we’re not willing to give all of ourselves to each other, then what are we doing? How are we going to be happy? How are we going to start a family? Are we just lying to ourselves telling ourselves that we truly love the other person and will do anything for each other?

Why would what make us happy be different? We make each other happy, isn’t that the simple basis of us falling in love? You make me happy, above all else. I would rather be with you then anyone else, and spend time with you over anything else. That is how much I love you. It’s not something I’ve had to think about it, it’s simply how I feel because I love you more than anything else.

Being in love and a relationship shouldn't feel like a business transaction. Negotiating over how much time we spend with each other, how much we see each other friends, how much of anything. That’s not what being in love should be.

We only have limited time and energy, no matter how much we wish we had more of it. I love you, and I choose to spend as much of it on and with you rather than everything else. I do less of other things, and can’t do everything I want to do because that’s impossible.  I know that you also have a whole list of things where you do less of now than before, just like me. None of us can have our cake and eat it too. It sucks, and everybody has to pick and choose, and you are my number one, simple as that. What’s important is that I don’t feel like any of these are sacrifices, because they are not. We don’t give up anything, but instead have everything to gain. Spending my time and energy on and with you is what I choose to do because I love you. You make me happy, and nothing else make me happier. Nothing at all. I do it willingly and happily, without giving it a second thought, because being with you is better than anything else I could be doing instead. It’s not hard at all, because I love you more than anything else. I don’t think of you needing to do any particular things for me in return, ever. All I ask is that you treat me the same way because we are in love. My biggest fear is to be regretful in the future, and wishing we had spent more time and energy with each other. If that’s not how we both feel about each other, than something is not right. When we are in love, what makes us happy should not be different things – it should always be each other.

Where do we go from here? We have a big fight every single week, for the exact same reasons. How do we make this work?

Happiness, found.

After all these years, I've finally found her.

Moved on from her, and her. Found the new her. The real her.

HIMYM - The Autumn of Breakups

"I love everything about her! and I'm not a guy who says that lightly. I'm a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiot-stuff they felt. But this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to; and there have been times that I wanted to. It has been overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her...more than she knows."

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Why do I fall in love with every woman I see who shows me the least bit of attention?

Let's make love, while we listen to Frank White

- P. Diddy, I Need a Girl Pt.II

Ay yo the sun don't shine forever
But as long as were here then we might as well shine together
Never mind the weather, go somewhere and get our minds together
Build a love that a last forever
So let's stop the pain, stop the rain
Put, stress to rest girl stop the games

"On my own... here we go"

- Green Day, Brain Stew

It was another day. But just a bit different.
I stopped stressing. Different from not caring and not giving a fuck, but I just started to let things play out.

Decisions out of my hands, beyond my control.
Not gonna worry about nothing!

It's nice to simply let things be sometimes.

Boston

I forgot when during the day or where I was when I first heard of the Boston marathon tragedy today. I had no idea of the magnitude of the event and how so many were killed or severely injured. Then l I got home and saw a photo on FB showing a runner with his legs blown off... and read a BBC article and video of the explosions. It was hard to see. Sickening, whoever could've done this.

I know it's nothing like or close to 9-11, but it certainly gave me a similar feeling. Although this time it hit me a bit harder, maybe because I'm now a bit older and more mature. I'm learning to feel for others, too.

Perspective.

I wish nothing but the best recovery for all of those injured. Family and friends... everybody affected. To breathe.


.......................

Last night I started reading this entire blog from the beginning. It was interesting. The change in thought pattern throughout the years. Re-living the moments that have faded in memory or been forgotten. And of course, all about her.

I noticed that I started losing my words... because I simply ran out of different ways to express the same feelings. I never moved on. The world kept going, and it passed me by.

..........

Due to my frustrations with her, a couple of years ago (2011) I decided to completely focus on my career. It was a conscious decision that was out of character for me. I had always taken the attitude of, it's just a job. I didn't give a flying fuck, as long as bills were being paid. But then I realized that I like commercial real estate, and that it's something I actually enjoy doing. I decided to (try) make a career out of it. I felt like, hey, a career is something with more certainty - if I put in the hard work and play it right, I'll get to where I want to be.

It never worked out. I gambled, and I failed. Maybe it was simply the wrong position, maybe it wasn't the right fit. Or maybe it's because I simply don't know what I'm doing, and I was under-qualified. But whatever it may have been, it was eye-opening. I don't regret it.

Two and a half years later, I feel maybe it's time for a reversal. Instead of stressing over my continuing failure to land a suitable position in commercial real estate, just let it be. If it happens, sweet. If it doesn't, hey, it's just a job. De-stress. De-focus. De-centralize.


Spend my energy elsewhere. On things that really matter. A change in mindset.

I'm not sure what exactly I'm gonna do differently yet. But I feel like it's coming.

Maybe.




Happy Valentines Day - HIMYM

"Sometimes you realize the journey you've been taking has reached its final stop, so the question becomes: where do you go next?"

Since Her

Australia

Dominican Republic, Cuba, Mexico, Hong Kong, Vegas.

Bought my own condo, a new car, took up snowboarding, and gone through 4 jobs.

Yet still, I think of her.
I thought I saw you yesterday
But I didn't stop, 'cause you was walkin' the opposite way
I guess I could've shouted out your name
But even if it was you, I don't know what I would say
- Atmosphere, Yesterday

"Boy meets girl. Boy falls in love. Girl doesn't."

(500) Days of Summer

Been meaning to watch this movie for awhile now. It's silly, it's simple, and cliché.

But I think for everyone of us, it hits home hard.

"Most days of the year are unremarkable. They begin, and they end, with no lasting memories made in between. Most days have no impact on the course of a life. May 23rd was a Wednesday."

A belated, Merry Christmas.